Expectations

Therapy is a unique experience, and people are sometimes uncertain what it will be like. Without trying to predict exactly what will happen, I can at least offer some guidelines. You may also find it helpful to read the article "How to Get the Most Out of Your Couples Therapy" by Peter T. Pearson, co-founder of the Couples Institute.

What you can expect of me

My style

I am active, empathic, compassionate, and at times confrontive as a therapist. I model authenticity and congruence in terms of thoughts, feelings, and behavior and support and encourage clients to do the same.

My focus

Couples can become stuck in interlocking struggles, in negative and damaging patterns of interaction that occur over and over. In my work with couples, I identify these ineffective and distressing patterns. Couples can expect to learn new tools and skills to help them think, feel, and respond more effectively under stress. As you expand your ability to soothe or calm yourself during stressful interactions, you will learn to manage intense emotion more successfully, in yourself and in your partner. By doing so, you will have the opportunity to become not only more resilient under pressure, but also more flexible and effective in your responses.

What I would expect of you

Some basics

Show up on time for scheduled appointments, or cancel with a minimum of 24 hours notice.

During the session

Arrive with an idea of what you would like to work on.

Keep your goals in mind during the session:

• The kind of relationship you aspire to create.
• Who and how you aspire to be as an effective partner in this relationship.
• How you would like to be during an emotionally-charged interaction with your partner.
  

Where to stretch

Be willing to be self-confrontive and self-reflective, to identify internal blocks to the goals above.

Actively work to change old patterns and to respond more effectively under stress (rather than just repeating your ineffective coping strategies).

Focus on yourSELF more than on your partner. This means you focus or reflect on how YOU can show up differently in this relationship — how you can be more in line more often with how you would like to be instead of pointing the finger at your partner and what he or she is or is not doing that upsets you.

Acknowledge your own and your partner's successes. Express verbally the positive efforts you notice yourself and your partner making as you each stretch to replace ineffective responses with more effective ones. Be generous with positive feedback!

And one more thing

Do any assigned "homework."